The physical recovery from a 3rd or 4th degree tear can be a slow and difficult process. The thought of a tear involving the anus can be quite distressing and associated with fears about how your body will recover and if you will have any long term problems. All these issues combined with the hard work of mothering a new baby, can interfere with you feeling positive about caring for your baby, in some cases leading to feelings of depression. A few women will even feel 'angry' at their baby for 'doing this to them' in a sense, or angry at their caregiver or the hospital if they were not happy with the way the birth unfolded.
Express your feelings honestly with your partner, family or friends. You may feel you need to talk with a professional counsellor, especially if you feel you are becoming depressed. It is important that you get lots of support and understanding. Help with the baby, eating well, drinking fluids and getting plenty of rest all help the body to heal and increase your 'coping threshold'. Try to take it easy and take advantage of any favours that friends and relatives may offer. Consider online shopping and leaving housework to take the pressure off.
For women with little support, there are sometimes volunteer services run by community groups and local councils that can help with caring for your baby and other household chores. This may be especially needed if you have another child. If you can afford it, nappy service, professional cleaners and healthy take away meals may be the answer.
Incontinence support
In studies and surveys done with women after 3rd and 4th degree tears, it was shown that many women were too embarrassed or felt uncomfortable about seeking medical help for anal incontinence. About 1/3 of women had never discussed it with their caregiver and others found that their caregiver discouraged them from discussing the problem.