The news of a new pregnancy may not always feel positive. For some men the financial commitment or the sense of responsibility can create anxiety and perhaps fear. This may stem from feeling 'trapped', particularly if the pregnancy was not planned, or perhaps feeling fearful about a loss of identify or freedom or your readiness to be a parent. You may have concerns about the new baby 'changing things', affecting your lifestyle or your relationship with your partner. If this is a second or third baby (or more) you may not feel comfortable with taking on further commitments, or coping with another baby in the house.
Most men will move into 'provider mode' when they hear about a new pregnancy, as their thoughts start to consider a completely different financial equation. Two incomes for two people was fine, but what about one salary for three people? Or perhaps your partner was back at work after a previous baby, or thinking of returning to work soon, and now this will not be possible. Sleepless nights, dirty nappies, car seats, fluffy toys, a new house and/or a new car.............the list of things to consider may seem endless. This can feel very overwhelming, especially when the fantasy of having a baby starts to sink into the reality of what parenting will entail. If your family was thought to be 'complete', then the idea of nappies and sleepless nights again may not be something you are looking forward to.
Many men will find their friend's conversations starting to focus on the impending parenting role. You can be suddenly bombarded by other fathers espousing their parental advice, or recounting their 'war stories' about their own partner's pregnancy, labour and birth. It can be hard to work out your own feelings and to understand how the experience will be for you when others are giving you their perspectives, or they may reassure you in some ways.