The reality of being a father does not often dawn on men until they are holding their new baby in their arms. Finding good fathering roles can be difficult. The media often does not generally paint a realistic picture of the 'modern dad', with past generations tending to be fairly 'hands off' babies until they can have a rumble on the bed, or kick a football. It can be difficult for men to find realistic benchmarks today, unless they have good friends who are also fathers, who they feel they can share their experiences with. Some men don't feel comfortable discussing personal issues with friends or relatives. This can leave them with limited support or helpful information, during this dramatic change in their lives.
For men, the reality of early parenting is often mixed with feelings of being unsure about what their role should be. It is not uncommon for them to feel 'left out' of the equation, because they are unclear about what they can do, or how to do things. This can be hard if their partner seems totally absorbed in looking after their new baby.
Some common myths that can perpetuate unrealistic expectations for men as fathers can include:
Myth:A father will not bond with his baby if he is not at the birth.
Reality:While being at the birth may enhance more rapid bonding with his baby, it will not prevent it from happening. Many men find being involved in their baby's care in early days and weeks after the birth, are the special times they felt very close to their baby.
Myth:Fathers should be the family providers, protectors, be strict and the 'strong one' that everyone relies on.
Reality:Men are human too, and often need love, support and understanding, as well as space at times to be vulnerable and cry. Even if the role of 'breadwinner' naturally falls in his court, it may not be that he particularly wants it this way.