| Value yourself as a father. You have a lot to give to your new baby. Remind yourself that you are performing one of the most important jobs anyone can do. |
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Look after your own health. Eat regularly and sensibly, try to get enough rest and regular exercise. |
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Don't be afraid of asking for support when you need it (or accepting offers of help when they come). Try not to let the weeks slip by without organising some help from family and friends (if this is available). Hire help if you can afford it (cleaners, nappy service, childcare for siblings and perhaps the new baby). Work together to give each other breaks. Cut back on work commitments and household chores (if possible). Possibly ask a relative to come and stay for a while, or visit regularly, (if this will not cause too much friction). Discuss with them what you would like them to do, to help you the best way possible. |
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Maintain the 'call before you visit' protocol with family and friends. If you have another child(ren), organise for them to have some childcare, or to spend time with friends and relatives, to relieve you from caring for them at times. This will free you up to spend some time with your partner and the new baby. When you are not working (such as the weekend), try to help your partner catch up on sleep. Take the baby out while for a walk, or mind the baby while she has a long relaxing shower or bath. |
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Ask your partner what you can do to help. Try to look for what needs to be done, rather than wait to be asked (or told). |
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Take opportunities to share how you are feeling with someone you trust. This may be your partner, a close family member, a friend or a neighbour. Acknowledge that it can be hard to be a father, meet all your outside commitments, support your partner and look after siblings. |
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Join a father's (or parent's) group or baby's playgroup. Perhaps try to keep in touch with other couples that you got along with from your face to face childbirth classes (if you attended these). Talking with other new dads can often be reassuring, knowing that you are not alone. Your baby or community health centre will often have lists of what is happening in your area. Many parents will start contact with others (especially if living in rural or remote areas) by using our online birthtalks discussion forums. You may be able to set up your own get togethers this way. Meeting with other parents can be a wonderful way to network and feel a part of the human race. |
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When you both are feeling up to it, try to organise some social activities (where you go out, or others entertain). This is important for your own well-being and your relationships with the people you like and care about. Keep contact with your own friends. |
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Maintain contact with those who are supportive and non-judgemental. Try to avoid people who tend to be negative and criticise. |
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Try to allow yourself some 'time out' each day. Do something you enjoy such as reading the paper, going for a walk, meeting a friend, listening to your favourite music, watching a video or television program. You may need to plan ahead to organise these activities, so they fit in with your partner. Try to set aside some time to look after the baby so that your partner can do the same. It may be that she just needs to have a long bath, or walk to the shop on her own, after being at home all day with the baby. |
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Be patient with your partner. Most women experience significant emotional and physical changes after giving birth. This may mean that she 'seems different' for a while. Continue to support her and you will find that the woman you love will return to 'normal', especially as the parenting become easier, and you both become more confident. |
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Try not to 'avoid' the parenting role by taking on more work, sporting or social commitments. Be aware of the problems associated with using alcohol or other recreational substances excessively as a form of escape. |
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Remind yourself that these dramatic changes in your life require a period of adjustment. Be kind to yourself and don't expect to always get things right. Be aware that this difficult phase will pass. |
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Try and maintain a sense of humour and don't lose site of how wonderful the whole parenting experience can be. |