As your child(ren) mature, new questions will arise and their need for information will change as they continue to attempt to grasp the concept of their sibling's death. Talking to them about the baby with them when they ask, will be something that can come up repeatedly over the years, cropping up at unexpected times. Talking to them openly and responding honestly will let them know it is OK to share their thoughts and feelings with you.
Babies and toddlers up to age 3 years
Children 3 to 6 years
Children 6 to 9 years
Children 9 to 12 years
Teenage children
Babies and toddlers up to age 3 years will usually sense that something is different or wrong. They can display this "knowing" with a change of sleep and feeding patterns, possibly becoming irritable and naughty. They may not understand death, but they do understand sadness when they see mummy and daddy crying. Children also have a great capacity to comfort their parents and will usually try to do so if the parent is upset. Reassure them and let them know that your sadness has nothing to do with them and that they did not cause the sad feelings. Try not to send them away too much, as they can feel rejected.
Children 3 to 6 years. Children of this age are unable to understand the finality of death. They may see death as temporary and not show any signs of sadness. It is not unusual for them to announce to anyone who is willing to listen that "my baby is dead". Or they may repeatedly ask if the "baby is out of your tummy yet?" or "when is my brother or sister is coming home from the hospital?"
Children in this age group, particularly 5 to 6 years, may feel in some way responsible for the baby's death, particularly if they had voiced that they never wanted a brother or sister. They may become concerned with other members of the family dying or leaving them.