Seeing and holding your baby. If your baby died before birth or was stillborn you may want to consider seeing your baby after the birth. Most caregivers will offer parents the opportunity to see and hold their baby. You can choose to do this immediately or you may wish to wait a while. It is not uncommon for parents to decline the initial offer then change their minds in the hours or days that follow. Be aware that your baby's body will change a little as time progresses and be cold after spending time in the hospital morgue, but if you need the space to think about it, this is your choice.
Seeing your baby can help you come to terms with the reality of their existence and their death, especially if you were unable to see your child alive before they died. Even if you are told that your baby has a physical deformity, it is usually not as severe as anything you could imagine. Parents who choose to still see their baby in this situation will invariably acknowledge the beauty of their child: their perfect toes, their curly hair, their rosebud lips. These are memories to hold forever.
Do not feel pressured to give your baby over to caregivers who may feel 'you've had enough time'. Take as long as you need. If you do give your baby to your caregivers (who will normally place them in the hospital morgue), then decide later you wish to spend more time, ask your caregivers to bring your baby back. If a post mortem was done, you can also ask to see and hold your baby again afterwards if you want to.
There are some parents who will keep their baby with them for the few days until the funeral arrangements are made. A few will even take their baby home with them. Some parents will hold their baby during the funeral service. All these choices are normal and as it is the only time they will be able to physically spend with their baby, it often becomes a very important time for them to familiarise themselves with how their baby looks and feels.