Every person will react to the death of their baby in their own way. Each person's emotions and beliefs will differ from every other person who is confronted with this loss. There is no 'correct way' to grieve and partners will usually feel differently at different stages. Accepting these differences may be hard to comprehend and can cause difficulties in close relationships.
Conflict can sometimes arise when people put expectations onto others about how they 'should be feeling' or what they 'should be doing' after the death of their baby. A common inappropriate response is 'I know how you feel'. No one can know how you feel, even if they have lost a baby themselves. They will probably be able to relate to your feelings better but they cannot "know' what you are actually feeling.
Your feelings at times can be very intense, overwhelming and sometimes frightening. If you are feeling that no one understands, it may be helpful to share your emotions and thoughts with a professional counsellor (or contact SANDS) who will not judge the way you feel or what you are thinking.
Having people around you whom you are comfortable with and who will allow you to express your true feelings is one way of positively supporting yourself. Containing or modifying how you are feeling to help others feel OK will not help you to work through your grief.
When you need to cry, then cry. If you are angry say so. Allow your pain to flow and release the feelings you have inside, they need to be expressed at some time. Grief is part of the healing process. It is dynamic and ever changing.
Below are some of the emotions that can be experienced. You do not need to experience all of them, there may be some we have not covered, and they are not in any chronological order. They are simply stated as an acknowledgement of what is possible and to give you a sense of what can be normal.