Choosing the best birth partner for you

 

 

During childbirth, you need to feel safe and private, which will usually mean keeping the number of people present to a minimum. When we consider the optimum environment for having a baby is likely to be the same as for making a baby - to allow the birthing woman's hormones to work most effectively "it makes sense to consider that this is a birthday, not a party," says Pinky.

 

 

Whoever's at your birth must also be able to inspire you with confidence, step up when they're needed to, but also stay in the background without intruding on the connection between you and your partner. "They need to understand that you may ask them to leave at any time without taking offence," says Pinky. "You may just feel you need some space nobody really knows how they will feel in labour until it is actually happening."
 

 

If your partner knows you better than anyone, his support can be second to none. "If your partner can step up and be truly present and support you, this can be a brilliant start to becoming a family," says Pinky. "You'll feel very blessed having a partner who has this strength and he will be proud of your awesome ability to birth your child."
 

 

If your partner is at all lacking in confidence, it's best to have an extra support person, such as a doula, so your partner can feel supported and take a break if he feels stressed. "He may never have seen you so vulnerable and it can seem like an incredible responsibility for him if things don't go to plan and interventions are necessary," says Pinky. "It's been shown that having a support person besides the woman's partner, such as a doula, can shorten labour and reduce the likelihood of interventions."

 

 

It's good to have an extra support person for when your partner needs a toilet break, to eat or if you need a drink or hot pack, but you really don't want to be left alone. "If you have a doula or other support person, she can do all the running around and also support you if he needs a rest. This way your partner can be truly present to support you," says Pinky.

 

 

Often the one person you might instinctively want at your birth is your mother however, this totally depends on your relationship with your mum and how comfortable you both feel about her being present. "If you don't want your mother there, you can call her in when the baby is born - and the same goes for your mother-in-law," says Pinky, adding that, even if you do have your mum present during your birth, it doesn't mean your mother-in-law has to be there, too.

 

 

If your best friend is calm and reassuring - and especially if she's had a positive birth experience herself - she'd be a great person to have at your birth, as long as she understands what you want, and won't advise you to 'go the epidural' if you're planning a natural birth, or vice versa. "It's a great idea to take all your support people - your partner, your mother or best friend - to the birthing classes you choose and discuss your wishes with them, so that everyone knows what you would like if you're faced with choices during labour," says Pinky.

 

 

This article was written by Joanna Bounds for Birth, Australia's best pregnancy, labour and birth resource.