Top 10 tips for building a support network
The old saying “it takes a village to raise a child” still rings true. However, with many new parents living away from other family members, it can be hard to find the help you need with a new bub. Here are some tips from mums on building your own support networks. By Nicola Conville.
"Join your local mother’s group – the support and friendships that you make will be invaluable." - Heidi Moodey, mum to Thomas, 8 months.
"My husband and I love each other very much but we argued more in the first six months [after bub was born] than at any other time in our relationship. Don’t be surprised if you find yourselves snapping at each other. Just try to give each other a break and remember that you’re both doing your best. Keep talking and supporting each other and respect each other’s opinions about parenting." - Gail Virgona, mum to Luca, age 5 and Leo, age 2.
"Be gentle on yourself, ask for help when needed and don't expect your partner to understand how you're feeling - they are wired differently. Be honest with yourself and talk to your girlfriends and other mothers you know. If you don't know any other mothers, join a mother's group or online forum. You will find out a lot and come to understand that the way you are feeling, whether good, bad or indifferent, is completely normal." - Indy Hilditch, mum to Oscar, 21 months and London, 9 weeks.
"My experience from having five children has been that the toughest part of the first year with a baby is the period from four to six months. By the four-month mark, the effect of broken and limited sleep starts to take its toll. The natural adrenalin that you have after the birth of the baby has also worn off. Combine this with the baby’s day catnapping starting to kick in and I found this was when I really needed extra support. For the last three babies, my husband took two weeks off somewhere between the four- to six-month mark and it was fantastic. I could take time to recharge myself, and the baby didn’t have to get dragged around so much either!" - Nicole Avery, blogger at planningwithkids.com and mum of five.
“Being a parent is all about building relationships and support networks. I have never paid for childcare or a babysitter for my son. When I went back to work part-time I traded childcare with a friend from my mother’s group. I would take her son one day a week and then she’d take mine another day. The two boys are still great friends to this day and all the people who have ever taken care of my son are still in our lives.” – Eloise Martin, mum to Neil, 6.
“Go to as many playgroups and classes for kiddies as you can. When my daughter was six months old I moved to a new area where I didn’t know anyone and being able to go out for an hour or two to a nursery rhyme class or gymbaroo was a great way to make new friends. I also introduced myself to all the other new mums on my street and I always have someone to have a coffee or go to the playground with.” Kirstie Newell, mum to Felicity, 16 months.
“If relatives or friends offer to take the baby for a few hours, or even overnight, and it’s convenient for you - say yes! You can catch up on sleep, do the housework or have some alone time with your partner. Only do this when you feel ready, though. Don't allow yourself to be pushed into it if you're not ready to let someone else watch your baby.” – Geraldine Beauman, mum to Robbie, 14, and Liam, 7.
“Right from the start, let your partner do as much as possible. Avoid the tendency to think that you are the only one who can look after your child. Aside from breastfeeding, there is nothing that he can't do. It's important to start early so dad and bub get to bond together. Also, the baby feels that he or she can be comforted by either parent, and you’ll feel less stressed.” - Denise McGrath, mum to Cedar, 3.
“Make use of advice lines such as Tresillian (02) 9787 0855 or 1800 637 357), the Australian Breastfeeding Association (1800 686 268) and Karitane (1300 227 464). If you don’t have a lot of support and you’re up in the middle of the night with an upset or sick baby, it can be a real life-saver to hear a calm voice on the other end of the line.” – Lorraine Doyle, mum to Stephen, 11 and Nicholas, 8.
“Getting up early every morning was starting to get really exhausting after being up half the night feeding as well, so I asked my husband to do the early shift so I could sleep in as he has to be up for work anyway. It has made such a difference to have an extra hour in bed and it means my husband gets to spend time with the kids before he goes to work.” - Amy Rollins, mum to Zara, 5 and Zia, 15 months.
This article was written by Nicola Conville for Birth
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