What if I don't want to be at the labour and birth?
Sometimes after watching a birth video, or listening to a story many partners will cringe feeling they do not want to be there or are worried they might faint, (In reality this rarely happens). It is hard to imagine what it will be like for you to watch the birth of your child.
Seeing a birth video and being at the birth has been described as the difference between watching a surfing movie and actually riding a wave. The exhilaration and emotion will carry you there. Most men are surprised at how emotionally involved they become and in the excitement of the birth forget their concerns. Not many regret being there.
If you do have issues about being there throughout the birth process or only part of it then it is wise to communicate these feelings with your partner and see if you can agree on a compromise.
We know of one partner who was extremely uncomfortable with the thought of actually watching the birth. He wanted to be there throughout the labour but not when the baby was being born. He discussed it with his wife to work out a solution. They agreed he would leave when the baby was actually being born and return as soon as the baby was completely out. They were happy to plan doing it this way. He copped a lot of flack from friends and family with responses like "How could you not be there?" but he was honest and took measures that would support him and his partner with the birth of their child.
It is amazing how we have come from banning partners from the birth of their children to pressuring them to be present. We would only warn you that many women are not so accommodating. The most common response being "Well that's nice for you but I DON'T have a choice in being there!"
Wondering if she will cope with the intensity of labour?
This is usually foremost in the woman's mind as well. Labour and birth usually involves very real pain for most women.