There has been a great deal of emphasis placed on the concept of 'bonding' or 'attachment' in the last few decades. This idea has evolved from the natural birth trends of the 1970's and 80's as well as research examining different aspects that inhibited a mother (and father) from connecting with their baby soon after birth.
'Bonding' with your baby has been most commonly construed as 'falling in love' with your baby. For caregivers it is usually interpreted as the mother wanting to be with and care for her baby in the hours and days after birth. Indeed in the late 1980's some hospitals asked caregivers to fill out a type of 'bonding criteria checklist' aimed at predicting mothers who may be at risk of postnatal depression. This included questions as to whether the mother wanted to hold and look at her baby soon after birth etc.
The media often portray the image that bonding occurs within minutes after the birth, as if the parents are suddenly struck by a thunderbolt of emotions for their newborn baby. While this may certainly be the case for some parents, for many others the bonding is a gradual process that ignites and grows in the following days, weeks or sometimes months after the birth.
Don't be surprised (or feel guilty) if you do not fall in love immediately with your new baby. It doesn't mean that these feelings won't come, nor does it mean that you are a bad parent! As one new mother shared, "I felt guilty and thought something was wrong with me for many weeks after the birth, because I didn't cry as soon as my baby was born, just like in the movies!"
Many new mothers need time to recover emotionally and physically from the birth. Assimilating what their body has just achieved can take some time. When a labour is fast or very long, the woman can often feel quite overwhelmed or exhausted. This can mean that the last thing she feels like doing is holding her baby.