Emotions and reactions
You and your partner
The reactions of others
Grieving the loss of a baby after discontinuing a pregnancy can be difficult. Sadly, there is a lot of stigma around abortion and a common attitude from people is that the loss is 'lower' on a perceived 'hierarchy of grief', because it was a choice. For this reason, many parents feel reluctant to talk about their experience or share how they are feeling, often suppressing their emotions and grieving in silence. Many express feelings of isolation and being fearful of not receiving sympathy, at a time when support is dearly needed.
Grieving after discontinuing a pregnancy is very similar to
grieving a stillbirth or the death of a child. Women bond with their baby as soon as they know they are pregnant, some even before this time. Yet when a pregnancy is discontinued, it can cause parents to pretend that the pregnancy and baby never existed, adding a deeper dimension to their loss and grief.
Most parents want their grieving acknowledged and do not want to forget what has happened. Your feelings at times can be very intense, overwhelming and sometimes frightening. If you are feeling that no one understands, it may be helpful to share your emotions and thoughts with a professional counsellor who will not judge you and the way you are feeling.
Because of the nature of the pregnancy loss it can be hard to find relevant support groups. Your caregiver may be able to put you in contact with a local organisation. At present, we are only aware of one US website. They can be found at:
www.aheartbreakingchoice.com
Emotions and reactions
Grief is part of the healing process. It is dynamic and ever changing. Emotions can be wide ranging and mixed with feelings of helplessness and perhaps a sense of being less than whole. Each person's reactions are different and there is no 'correct way' to grieve.